Frozen Flowers
by LeadFlowers
Summary: You can't love someone else until you love yourself- you can't love yourself, when part of you wants the other part wants you gone for good. Love Betrayal Struggle and all that fun Soap Opera like stuff- many pairings but the main plot is IvanXChina
1. Prologue

It was cold. It was always cold. Why did it have to be so damn cold? And don't start with the whole 'well the further north you live of course the colder its going to be. He didn't choose where his home was so he didn't have to frickin like it or its god and heat forsaken climate. He wanted to live somewhere a little more south, close to the sea maybe even somewhere it wasn't absolutely frozen ov-

_Oh Ivan do stop your complaining you sound like a little bitch when you do it._

"Last I checked I was never asking your opinion on matter, da. Why don't you leave Ivan alone and go away if you want to hear my complaining."

It wasn't odd to find Russia in his room pacing and talking...or perhaps complaining at himself, or perhaps with himself? To himself? Lithuania never knew what exactly it was but of the people in the household he seemed to be the only one who had a vague knowledge of the matter, so he'd grown use to standing outside the man's door listening to him yelling.

_You know we've still got company- perhaps you should invite him in to play?_

"No, Ivan will not. Ivan keeps you away for a rea-"

_Ksh..don't call yourself that- its so very demeaning to bring yourself to the level of mortal man with such names. You are Russia, don't deny it. Stop trying to run from what you are, stop trying to escape where you belong._

"I didn't ask for it da. Ivan never asked to feel so frozen, Ivan never asked for the-

_NO ONE DID! GET RID OF IVAN! RID YOURSELF OF REMORSE AND STOP DESIRING THE PATHETIC EXISTENCE OF IVAN BRAGINSKI- LIKE IT OR NOT YOU __**ARE**__ RUSSIA! YOU ARE ME SO STOP FIGHTING ME!_

"I AM NOT!" Ivan roared out going to his knees gripping his hair screaming. They all asked what was wrong, why he would scream like the devil himself was after him at odd hours of the night and why in the times he wasn't thrown into fits of rage he would wander the house like a lost lamb. If only they could hear what he had to live with day after day, if only they could see his struggle, if they only knew what it felt like having your sanity slowly being chewed away they wouldn't have to wonder or ask.

_Look at me Ivan...look at __**you**__._

"No..." he whispered out keeping his head covered in his arms. Why couldn't he forget, go back to before he realized this side of him existed? It was easier to cope with that way. He didn't have to hear him whispering into his ears, or feel his vicious touch back then. Back then it was all like a dream- one moment he'd be sitting down to dinner and it was like he would blink and he'd find himself standing over a beaten down Lithuania, confused but figured that he'd just found the boy that way, figured the other got in a fight with the other Baltics or something...until the day he realized better. The day he blinked and looked down to see the trembling nation tied down and unconscious, blood slowly trickling down his thighs that matched the blood on his pipe he realized it was him, that was the day he started hearing the voices. The day he realized what he had done- marked the day he went to hell.

_DON'T fight me Ivan!_

He jerked his head back almost as if someone had grabbed onto his hair forcing him to look up to the full length mirror he'd fallen before. He doubted anyone else could see what he saw- if they did then they chose to ignore it and leave him to his suffering. While as far as the normal eye could see he was simply knelt in front of the glass eyes winced in pain, the reflection read quite differently. A twin of him stood just behind him- one hand twisted into the kneeling Ivan's hair holding his head back the other clutching hold of the pipe that even twinned his own, the crook of the u-bend held just against his exposed throat. Though perhaps twin wasn't the word for what it was. While yes he appeared the same in every way there was one distinctive difference - the cruelty and coldness in the others eyes was the one thing that set them apart.

Ivan stared at the reflection grabbing for the pipe at his neck- and while the reflection he could see himself holding it trying to push away, physically he felt absolutely nothing in his hands.

_You can't fight me, just accept this is who you are and it will be so much easier._

The reflection whispered to him and despite his struggles the pipe didn't budge from its place.

_The cold isn't so bad- you just have to find a way to warm yourself is all, whether its a blanket a body or blood is all a matter of preference._

"..."

_What's your name?_

"...r...ru..Ivan. My name is Ivan" he croaked out. It would be easier just to crack, so much easier just to break and go to sleep. Just let Russia have his way, and yet something in him, he wouldn't just let himself fall.

The reflection...no...Russia scowled shoving him down raising the pipe over his head but as he went to bring it down it stopped just short of cracking into Ivan's skull.

"Ivan...is not afraid of Russia, because Russia needs Ivan to live- Russia cannot kill Ivan, without killing Russia."

The reflection scowled pressing his foot into the back of his shoulders, to the world it looked like Ivan simply fell and was having trouble picking himself back up. He winced softly as the heel ground in- there was nothing there but may lightening strike him down if he DIDN'T feel that digging ache between his shoulders.

_No...no russia cannot kill Ivan, but Russia __**can**__ break him, and he will._

He forced his eyes back open, not wanting to look but not seeing what Russia was about to do worried him even more. Only to find him knelt over him, chest pressed against his back , arms stretching out over Ivan's fingers lacing with his palms standing upright pulling Ivan with him.

"Don't fight Russia, da?" he purred out into his ear and Ivan found himself saying it as well. Dammit dammit dammit, when he got his claws into him, there was no shoving Russia away from him. His palms slowly disappearing into Ivan's.

"nu...nu..." he crooned out softly watching as the other took him over.

"Nh...aahn..l..." his eyes slowly turned harsh as a smirk slowly took over his face, his gaze turning to the pipe in his hand.

"Oh Lithuania...Russia needs to speak with you da?"

The Baltic swallowed hard walking in- wondering what mood Russia was in today. "y-yes?"

"good good...Russia...is very cold. You will help, da?"


	2. Chapter One: Late Night Dinner Date

"Aiyaa, it's good to finally be home!"

China drug his tired body into his house practically falling into a chair. Another long day suffering under the command of England and France wearing out his body. He just wanted to sleep, just rest and not wake up until the middle of the afternoon despite the fact he knew even if he wasn't their...cook, maid, and flat out servant. Just wanted...wanted...to...z...n...

Grrrnnaaggnnn

"..." he looked down to his stomach that groaned in protest loud enough to keep him from slipping off into a slumber right there in the chair he fell in rolling his eyes. Ok fine, he'd eat and THEN pass out until one of them called him up whining for wanting breakfast.

No sooner had the small country started a very late dinner there came an almost metallic knocking upon his door. On his wooden door. Tch who was coming this time of night? Probably his leader but last he checked he didn't have a metal hand.

"China...I come to visit you, da?"

No. Nonono. No. Just no. No no NO. He'd spent his day slaving at England's home serving him and France (though why they frequented each others homes so often when they argued like cats and dogs was beyond him) he did NOT have the energy stamina nor desire to put up with HIM of all people. He could put up with the fact that the larger country stalked him incessantly but there was a curfew for the people who wanted to stalk and bother him and it was past visiting hours thank-you very much.

"Chiii~na. You open door for Russia da?"

He groaned out rubbing his temples as the man continued rapping on his door with that pipe he carried around like a security blanket. There was no getting rid of him was there? He could yell at him and chase him off perhaps but...No he didn't want to invoke his anger, Russia was a nuisance in most cases and he had yet to see the other angry and from what he had heard from other countries - it was probably best to leave it that way. Not to mention that but...he just didn't had it in him to outright yell at someone.

"what is it aru~?" Ok maybe not outright yell but sound remarkably annoyed pissed off and unpleased to see you- abso-frickin-loutely. Though none to his surprise he stayed completely oblivious to the fact that he didn't want him around- the pipe resting on the doorframe, a big sunny grin plastered across Russia's face...yet as cheerful as it was, the creepiness of seeing the tall country standing in his doorway grinning at him out-weighed the happy neighbor mood he figured that he was trying to put out.

"Awwu Come on now, Russia needs reason to come visit with the China now?"

"Yes." He replied flatly. Before sighing out closing his eyes shaking his head tiredly. "At this time of night you do."

The platinum blonde man was practically pouting arms crossed across his chest- oh for crying out loud, not the cute- that was absolutely low- way too far bellow the belt, but within a moment he was back to his cheerful childish grin. "Been hearing grumbling about the odd couple and so Russia thought he might try to cheer up little china, da?" He looked down back to pouting again holding up a bottle in the hand that wasn't clutching hold of the faucet pipe, his voice turning a bit dejected. "Is even brining of Vodka for the little China..."

"...Aiyaa..." China sighed out shaking his head, curses his good nature- he couldn't say no to someone coming out of good-will, no matter how low tolerance he in general had for the other country. With a small begrudging expression he stepped aside inviting Russia in. Ugh why did he feel like he was welcoming the devil into his home? "I was just starting dinner. Will you be staying aru?"

Russia smiled patting him on the shoulder- meant as a friendly gesture not to knock the elder country over but still managed practically do just that in the process anyways. "Ahh your very good friend - no one else so nice to Russia as you. Da Russia will stay if it is not imposing, he doesn't want to be fuss, he knows how tired you must be..."

"No no its no problem at all." which oozed with 'yes it absolutely IS a problem but I'm not going to be upfront with you enough to say so' but the other just followed China along- staying oblivious to the undertones in the others voice. He kept himself well behaved as China fixed dinner- standing back out of his way, looking around his house swaying on his heels a bit- not unlike that child who got brought along with his mother to a friends house who was trying to be polite but entertain himself at the same time- failing miserably at the second endeavor.

"...make your self at home, go ahead and have a seat." China found himself chuckling a bit as he glanced over his shoulder seeing the other man blushing - guessing he was a bit embarrassed by being caught in his awkwardness. He probably didn't get a yes from people too often - most avoided the large country outside of when there was a meeting quite honestly so the fact he was able to act even this comfortable at someone else's house was something of a pleasant surprise to China. He watched as the other shuffled over to an open seat holding his hands in his lap over the pipe he kept close tapping his thumbs together sheepishly more then obviously trying to figure out what to do with himself.

"Is there something on your mind, Russia? You seem antsy."

He looked up towards China blinking quirking his head off to one side curiously as if he had been unaware of his own air of being very out of place. His usual child-like grin took over his face again though as he waved it off nodding. "Da, but Russia can wait to ask."

"No need go ahead..." he sighed out over the food- here it came, there was only ever one thing Russia wanted to ask, may as well let him get it out of his system-

"Would China maybe like to come over to visit Russia's home some time to visit? It gets very lonely with only Baltics to talk with all time da..."

"No i do not want to be one wi-" He cut off blinking practically dropping the plate he had pulled out to the floor turning to face him eyes wide, staring at the other man who was twiddling the end of his scarf around in his hands. Ok there was something wrong with the balance if Russia was not asking him to be 'one with Russia' as he always put it. The man just looked up at China as if he had not done anything out of the ordinary or, rather not, not done something out of the ordinary as the case would be.

"y-your not...I mean thats all?" He rubbed the back of his head- mind you he had no interest in really going over to his house for that matter either but it still honestly caught China off guard that he asked that of all things.

"I uh...well with the arrangements that I have with France and England..." ah he'd never been so glad to be serving them as this very moment that they gave him a polite excuse for the time being. He turned around continuing to explain as he started putting food out on the dishes for the both of them. "It kinda makes visiting anyone difficult aru~. Thank-you for the invite though Russia!"

Russia just pouted again crossing his arms behind his back as he stood going over to him, one hand coming around to cup China's chin tilting his head to look up at him. And just in that single blink unease quickly washed over the asian. He found his eyes locked in with the others, staring into the tall man's lavender orbs- those eyes that seemed to look not just at him but through him, into him, analyzing him. He had to rip his gaze away from him turning his eyes off to look at anything other then Russia's gaze for fear of drowning in that deep and empty ocean of his gaze. "I'm sorry...I can't..." he mumbled out.

"China..." The smaller man closed his eyes feeling the other lean in closer his breath was ever so lightly tinged with the scent of stale Vodka as it brushed across Yao's cheek along with his fingertips, sending shivers down his spine. "Russia is having been so kind to you in past- da?"

The common addition to his sentence was especially punctuated as he tilted his head a bit more, almost a popping of the others tongue as he leaned closer still- lips hovering just barely off his ear. He winced as he felt his cheeks flush brightly as he turned to look to the blonde who was grinning ear to ear like a cheshire cat, eyes dark and cruel yet strangely amused. He was uncomfortably close right now, their chests narrowly avoiding touching.

"Ge-get off." China's voice came out so much weaker then he had meant it to, why did he sound so frightened? He cursed himself for sounding so weak just then. He moved to push the other country away from him which in retaliation only ended up with his jaw locked into a painfully tight grip, as he shoved against him. "Russia I don't want to have to hurt y-"

Then just as suddenly as he grabbed him China was released, Russia smiling brightly and innocently as if the prior event was no more then a childhood prank. "Russia brought you gift none the less da!" He was still grinning ear to ear but it didn't have that same vicious aura intentions Yao let out a heavy relived breath- just glad that the other was off him. Sure he'd humor him in practically any sense just so long as he didn't bust his personal bubble again.

"Aiyaa- you didn't need to give me a heart-attack to tell me that aru~!" The elder country scolded shaking his head. "Honestly personal space, don't be so rude Russia!" He shook his head a second time rubbing his temples looking up to the pouting man. "Nah nah Its OK just really...just let me have my bubble OK? What is it you brought- your doing too much for me already it seems like."

Russia giggled out swaying on his heels his hands still hidden behind his back again. "nu nu nu- China has to close his eyes and hold out hand- not a surprise if China sees what Russia got him da?"

China looked to him with a flat gaze. Russia asking him to close his eyes was like an inmate asking a guard to hand him the keys just so he could see what they felt like- incredibly stupid to do regardless how nice you asked. Still China sighed out against his better judgement doing so, so far tonight he had seemed rather harmless so why the hell not. Besides dinner was getting cold and the sooner they went through the trouble of what ever Russia wanted the sooner they could eat and China could shoo him out of the house right.

So there he stood closing his eyes putting his hands out. "Like th-"

He never got to finish before he found out to never believe him- no matter how nice he sounded. The pipe that had gone forgotten being hidden back behind his back made a resonating crack the man crumpling over like a marionette that had, had its strings cut falling into the arms of Russia who had been waiting to catch him, giggling innocently.

"Surprise."


	3. Chapter Two: Shaky Deals

"...ke...up...ina..."

Ngh. What? Who was muttering. Better question what happened? He remembered coming home, He remembered...he remembered Russia coming over and, them talking and he...

_I have a surprise for you._

China's eyes shot open suddenly as he tried to shoot forward only to be met with a deep pain in his wrists. He relaxed against what ever he was laying on hissing out in pain looking around frantically only to realize what he would find would only cause an even deeper panic in him. His clothes- missing exposing him to the cold air of the room. His wrists and ankles bound tightly each tied to corner post of the bed he was pinned to. Then there was Russia, sitting at his side along the edge of the bed- lazing back grinning like the cat who found the canary cage wide open- and of all things he had the tenacity to be eating China's dinner.

"Ahh~ you finally woke up, da?" he commented after swallowing what was in his mouth- nodding towards the half finished plate. "Ah this is remarkable my compliments to you."

China just growled low in his throat struggling against his bonds- dammit it was long pieces of fabric but they were double secured with what looked like zip-ties. They were bitting into his wrists a bit from when he jerked, still he tried to ignore the pain. "You untie me right now!" he demanded- far beyond angry about the way this night had gone.

A small pout came across the larger nations lips as he looked down to his food looking like he was trying to decide if he were going to do it or not. "Russia has spent all that time tying you in first place da. He's not about to undo so soon." he giggled though it wasn't that sweet innocent kind he normally facaded- it was dark eerie and full of something that told China he wasn't going to enjoy a bit of the joke that Russia seemed absolutely in stitches about.

"This is...the third time now that Opium and conflict run thicker in your veins then blood and life does little one." he purred out softly his forehead coming to rest atop china's, a fingertip coming to rest on his bottom smaller man whined and struggled against the bonds trying to do anything to get the other off him, snapping at his hand. "What's your point!"

Russia only laughed as he pulled his hand back just in time for his teeth to barely graze across the skin grinning broadly to his captive. "As you drift off to a dream your blood will turn to tar~" he sung out seemingly sickly amused by the notation.

"Is exactly like before... even for Russia is just like before, after all since a horrible depression struck we have happily Returned to Communism and are not planning of going back anytime soon" He looked down gazing across China's smooth exposed heaving chest. "Once again the only one turning to help is sweet Russia, Once again the odd couple seem to have little China between the legs da?"

"Help? You call this help! This is unlawful imprisonment you lunatic!"

Russia merely shrugged off the insult finishing off what was on his plate before sitting it aside looking down to the struggling boyish man, still unable to get over the fact that he looked - and often acted- so young and yet still was so much older. He leaned in closer once more so that he was hovering just over him, fingers roughly holding China's chin. His breath smelt just as strongly of smoggy smoke as *he* did of the stale lingering scent of Alcohol. History really did have a bad habit of repeating itself.

He and his people had tried being Federal and yes it was good and - while the way they became so twisted his gut to think about Ivan personally found himself preferring the days he had been communist-not that their personal opinion mattered much. So when this Vasilyev person came trudging through and ended up in power...albeit he once again found himself bedridden for weeks after his previous government was overthrown- he found himself smiling all through his fever when he found he was bringing back those days.

China had fallen back onto the days of opium as well as fighting England and France for control of it. Germany had managed to finally convince America of his good nature and start rebuilding his army-on the condition that they ally themselves with America in time of war (but considering the fact the two were such friends anymore these days that was hardly a condition) and while it was still small it was already strong. Oh yes and while he was on the thought of repeating history Estonia and Latvia may not be but Lithuania was under his command again.

"HEY ARE YOU IN THERE ARU!"

Russia blinked startled by the sudden outburst. He'd been laying there with his head against China's his lips hovering just over his with a hand over his struggling abdomen just staring blankly lost in thought. Russia just smiled closing his eyes shaking his head kissing down his neck slowly. "mmn...Russia is just deciding what to do with you da." Despite the strange gentleness of the kisses and suckles he was placing across his throat He could feel the smaller country tense up. His eyes rose to his face to see China's eyes wide and trembling. He was always was a bashful boy but this was extreme even for him.

"d-don't..." he squeaked out his face glowing red though it wasn't a look of embarrassment he looked more...shamed. "Please not again...please.." he whimpered softly, he seemed absolutely terrified. He had no idea what was going, what he meant by 'again' but this was defiantly not the china that he had known or remembered.

"heh you've really lost your backbone have you? The smoking must be making you weak da?" He looked up to him but Russia's snerky grin was gone, it was more a look of curiousness as he lowered himself down kissing down his chest, the tips of his fingers fluttering across the inside of his bare thigh letting his palm every so often lightly brush against his more intimate regions.

"NO! Stop please don't!" He cried out thrashing trying to get away from him like his life depended on it- the fact that the ties around his wrists and ankles were starting to make abrasions was completely off his mind, nothing but the primal instinct of fight or flight was left in china's mind and right now it was stuck on flight.

Russia just rolled his eyes pinning him down easily at the chest with one hand slapping him across the face. China came to an instant stop staring wide eyed up at him a streak of a tear cracking his beautiful face. "Tch...heres what Russia will do for you.." He purred reaching over grabbing a knife from the plate - he might have stolen his food but he was using his own utensils and albeit he hadn't really needed a knife he grabbed it out of force of habit.

"..." China looked to the tool going deathly pale. Like this...this was how he was going to be ended? After all he had gone through...after living for over 4000 years...he was about to die tied down to this lunatics bed? This just wasn't right not at al-

Imagine his surprise when the zip-ties were cut from his limbs. He turned back to the scowling nation who sat the blade away caressing his hair "Tch...is believing in equal chance...if Russia is going to be killing of China- he's going to be giving China fair chance to fight back and try to kill Russia- he's not so low as to kill someone like this."

China looked away quietly. He was...right. Russia was never one to play underhanded. He was always very straight forward with what he was going to do to people- always. Doing something that low was...not something China could really see him doing.

"Your now simply tied with a few old sheets- easy enough to get yourself free from hell I'll even untie your hands da?" he smiled brightly kissing China's forehead as he did as he had suggested making the smaller one tense up. "If you escape then oh well you escape and Russia is back at square one. If you don't then I guess your mine until you manage to get away da?"

He looked to Russia absolutely appalled. What was he playing at? First he tries to be nice, then he beats him unconscious, then he ties him up and now he's saying he can try to run? Then again he always seemed to have mood swings but...this...was extreme even for Russia. Thats when he realized the catch. The larger country laid himself down and went right to sleep his arms around China's waist.

If he tried to escape...the smallest movement would wake the other man and alert him.

"THATS CHEATING!"


End file.
